…about my mental state in recent weeks – part of the UKCTOCS research project on ovarian cancer screening. I had to say whether recently I had been more anxious than usual, more contented and confident than usual, more uncertain about my ability to fulfil tasks than usual, etc. The thing is, do I answer for a week ago or for now? Doing the form a week ago, I would have ticked all the positives and none of the negatives. But answering for the past few days, it’s a totally different picture – I’m anxious, self-hating, feeling incapable – the complete opposite of a week ago.
And how can one tick ‘no more than usual’ or ‘same as usual’ when there *is* no usual? This really convinces me that I have to get investigated for bipolar disorder. I am not even feeling like the same person today that I was a week ago – and yet a week ago felt so real!