Category Archives: Freecycling

Strange offers on Freecycle

Unbeatable offers

All right, all right, I have almost let this blog die in the last four months or so (and was barely keeping it alive for some time before that). I’ve been thinking about what it’s for, and haven’t come to any world-shattering conclusions except that I would like it to remain a rag-bag of depression and its temporary remission, strange experiences I have had and funny things I have seen and heard. There may be a new, bigger, all singing and dancing blog emerging some time next year but first Christmas has to happen, and it won’t unless I make it (although The Grouch, bless him, does most of the Christmas cooking which lifts a great burden off my often tense shoulders).

In the meantime, I just have to share with you two recent Freecycle offers I encountered:

First, ‘OFFERED: Quarter size violin in case’. In case of what, I wonder? The sudden arrival of a midget violinist?

And second, and to quote Teresa May I am really not making this up: ‘OFFER: Two colourful poufs’. I could certainly do with those to brighten up my house! Can they come for Christmas and entertain my guests?

Strange things I saw yesterday

1. A man standing in his front garden putting in eye drops.
2. Two chuggers on the pavement competing at juggling their folded umbrellas.
3. A large fat dog fast asleep in the window display of a small boutique.

And today, I read this on Freecycle: ‘I am giving away lots of Girls, jeans trousers, Jumpsuits,Tops and some shoes as well, they still have lots of life in them.’ Glad to hear the girls still have lots of life in them. Although I am a little concerned that they are being given away.

It just goes to show how important a correctly placed comma can be.

Sinister storage

Recently I have advertised several items on Freecycle (subsequent to serious clearing out of son’s room, at son’s initiative). One (or rather two) of these items were two brightly coloured plastic toy storage systems. One email response was from a lady who said she wanted these storage items because: ‘I have bits of my grandchildren everywhere’. I didn’t give them to her – she sounded altogether too sinister. I gave them to the lady with boy triplets.

More Freecycle fun

Today I encountered this notice:

‘Wanted: white wooden baby changer’.

Well yes, I suppose if you had a white wooden baby you might want to change it for a more responsive one… (or even one of a different colour).

As you may have guessed, I am feeling somewhat better, after a weekend with a wonderful wedding (of someone called Will, as it happens), followed by my reading poems at a mental-health-themed cabaret (and being treated as a ‘famous guest’!), then the next day by a church lunch, a service in the soon-to-be-sold (and much to be lamented) London Mennonite Centre, and then a trip to the pub with various church friends (described by The Grouch as ‘Mum and Dad are having a bit of a jolly’ when he rang to let our son know we’d be late).

Gosh, that was a long sentence! That was to make up for the fact that I didn’t get back to my book today, but I assure you that I will tomorrow. Today I just did various admin and domestic tasks. This is considerably better than last week when I did almost nothing, every day.

PS I cried buckets at the wedding. Not sure this is entirely a good thing.

Child abuse?

After a very long absence, one of my two local Freecycle groups has started sending me emails again (the other one seems to have spontaneously unsubscribed me). It is thus that I learn this:

‘We are looking for a medium size closet or drawer for our kids.’

I don’t know about you, but I have never attempted to keep my kid in a closet or drawer. Should I be reporting these people?

Three bags full

This is too good not to blog it! Seen on Freecycle: OFFERED: bag of nappy inserts for real nappies, plus a few bags of p. Honestly, the line ends just there. I really don’t think anyone will want the bags of p.

And another PS to the parable of the wing mirror trim – sadly, I found on going back to the car that the ‘lost and found’ trim has fallen off and is now I know not where. Which kind of debases its spiritual value…

A good day

What a pleasant day I have had. Slept lateish, and as Genius Brat was still off school, decided not to go to Pilates and leave him alone. Then The Grouch came home unexpectedly as the customer he was going to was not in, so I left him in charge and walked to the gym, where I swam 20 short lengths and sat in the Jacuzzi for a while. Then to coffee and the crossword at my latest favourite café, and by the time I’d finished both the coffee and the crossword, it was time for lunch so I stayed on and had that as well. Then another walk home, followed by a little sleep in the afternoon.

Finally this evening I drove (in rush hour, that was the only unpleasant bit) to Hackney where I spent four hours helping to stuff and stamp a Catholic Worker mailing. Stuffing with me, unexpectedly, was the daughter of a former director of the London Mennonite Centre, whom I first met when she was about four or five, and who is now 21 and over from America to do voluntary work. She has grown up into a lovely young lady and it was a delight to see her.

The stuffing team was fed with a wholesome veggie meal and two sorts of cake, and they were still stuffing (but near the end) when I left just after 10.00. It is such a treat for me to work as part of a team, an experience you don’t normally get as a freelance writer.

So: exercise, indulgence, mental challenge and a ‘work frolic’ all in the same day. Really ready for bed now…

Unbeatable offers

More unrefusable offers from Freecycle:
Wanted: Traditional Wood Hat Stand. Presumably for the use of those who wear traditional wood hats.
Offered: Exercise bile. If exercise makes them that bitter I think they are right to give it up.
And finally, Offered: Friends. I have some already, thank you.
To change the subject, last weekend I went on retreat to my favourite retreat house (the one where there is nothing organized, you can just relax). I had plenty of time sitting in the sun in the garden with a good book, but my favourite moment was when what I thought was lemon meringue pie, which is a food abomination (how can you contaminate meringue, the food of the gods, with lemon curd, the food of Satan?), turned out to be Queen of Puddings, which is almost the best pudding ever barring syllabub and Eton Mess. Shallow, moi? But really, the food is one of the very best things about this particular retreat house.
I have returned with my youth renewed like The Eagles (didn’t they have a reunion tour recently?), but no lighter.

Little breeders

I have been alarmed and amused to see the following on Freecycle:

‘I am in desperate need of a outside rabbit hutch, I believed I brought
two female rabbits but one is actually a boy. So I really need to split them up a quickly as possible.’

Indeed she does. Otherwise they will be breeding like… well, like rabbits.

On a completely different tack (or not?) I have just drafted my first promising poem in three and a half years (in fact since I won the Barnet Open Poetry Competition, which seems to have completely destroyed my poetic ability for an extended period). I’m quite excited by this, as I have never had such a long poem-less period before. I was beginning to think I needed to fall in unrequited love again to inspire poetry. Which sort of brings us back to the rabbits…